Traditional Korean Medicine

In April, my knee started to act a little funny. It hurt after a run and was kind of sore for a while. It got a progressively worse, and frustratingly it didn't fit any online description of runner's knee or itl band syndrome, so I was unsure what to do. Eventually I realize I admitted I needed to rest it. The weekend Caroline came proved a perfect time to take a week off as I was busy with her and it was rainy. Sadly, when I tested it out a week later it  hurt even more than before! Desperate, I asked around if anyone know of a doctor. I wasn't even sure what kind of doctor looks at sore-but-not-incapacitating knee injuries. So I asked my very fit and athletic friend and neighbour who recommended I try our local Traditional Korean Medicine Clinic where she'd gotten acupuncture for her sore thighs.

Now I've always been a skeptic, but even I must admit that some naturopathy might have some benefits. While acupunture absolutely revolts and terrifies me, I was sure they might have some other form of treatments. The "doctor" was apparently an older marathon runner and iron man triathlon competitor, so I figured he must know how to keep his knees in good shape. Surely he would have a few good strengthening exercises to recommend. Also, the clinic is only a minute from my apartment.

Now for lack of a better word, I will hereafter refer the man who ran the clinic a "doctor" only because "witch doctor" is a little too long to type and slightly inaccurate because he was a male.  

So here's my experience...

I walk in. Already feeling nervous (is this the right place?? Amber said it had a green sign but maybe it's upstairs??) I was instantly hit by a waft of heat. It was a brisk day outside, but the stale air and my nerves instantly made me a clammy mess. The receptionist smiles, but we quickly determine we do not have a common language. She takes my alien card and I sit. I wait... I am very hot and uncomfortable.

I get called in and see the doctor. He is as I imagined: fit older man, white pony tail, surrounded by his marathoning medals. Surely this guy knows what he's doing.. right?

First thing he says is a disclaimer that his English isn't great, but that's common with humble people. I say my knee hurts from running. He says "Ah yes. Runner's knee." I tell him I don't think it's that, the pain seems to be related to my hamstrings (thanks for the tip, dad!). He says "Ah yes. Hamstrings. Ok!" And then stands up and points for me to follow him his assistant... I'm hoping it's to a stretching room...

They bring me to a bed.
"Ok, lie down please Miss."
"Ummm why?"
"Acupuncture!"
"Wait what? I don't want that!"
"Acupuncture! It is good."
"Can I just do a stretch?"
"Yes!|
"Really?"
"Yes! Acupuncture! Lie down please miss!"

This little round-about conversation goes on for a while. I like to think of myself as fairly brave but I am absolutely revolted by acupuncture. I can't get images from Final Destination out of my mind. But I can't see any way out of there, so down I go and in come the terrifying needles. I was so mentally revolted it took all kinds of breathing exercises not to pass out and vomit simultaneously. My leg was boiling hot and twitchy and I kept imagining someone tripping and falling into the needles, paralyzing me forever. I looked around me for my purse, but I couldn't see it. I needed my phone to play apps to distract myself ! But I also couldn't sit up and properly look for it. It turns out it was hung next to me, but in my state of distress I just couldn't see it. I was told to wait fifteen minutes. Fifteen minutes. I have never been so happy to hear English radio because I listened to these random old country songs with every fiber of my being to avoid thinking about the hair thin needles toying with my nerve endings.

Finally, the bell rings. The doctor is gone, but an assistant removes the needles. Relief. I get up to leave, but she motions for me to stay. She speaks no English, and I no Korea, so it's rather terrifying to have no idea what is about to happen to you. I closed my eyes, lay on my stomach, and felt weird suction cups be placed on my hamstrings and knee. For another 15 minutes, I experienced weird pulsating machine cups of weirdness. It felt like hot and cold pins and needles were massaging me.

Finally, it's over. I snatch my purse. Still no sign of the doctor. Run to the front. I am given some witches' brew tea, pay the very cheap fee, and am about to limp out the door, when the receptionist say, to my horror... "See you tomorrow!"

I ask my friends and everyone tells me I must go back, that acupuncture isn't as shamanistic and I think and surely this will help. My knee felt better in the sense of there were no longer needles or suction cups attacking me, but surely it would feel even better had I never gone...

Begrudgingly, I returned the next day, ready to stand up to the doctor and demand to know 1)why did I have to come back and 2) no more acupuncture!

Of course I failed. All I learned was he wanted me to come back five times, and no matter how I protested, I was still lead to the table of horror. Prepared with my phone this time, the needles weren't as bad. However, it seems the suction cups were set to torture because they were so painful. I couldn't even text my friend because it hurt so much. It was horrific. I did manage, at least, to express that I would absolutely not be returning and that they should not expect me. The worst part of all this is I wouldn't even benefit from a placebo effect because I didn't believe in any of it!

I escaped, embarrassed to have been so foolish. But it wasn't quite over... The next day at school a co teacher came up to me said "I heard you were at the Korean hospital yesterday!" Instant blushing and awkwardness. "The doctor asked me to tell you that you need to come back for more acupuncture. And he must take out your bad blood." I thanked my coteacher, but  assured him there was absolutely no way that was going to happen. He laughed, as I probably couldn't look more flustered and horrified. Glad to have 100% confirmation that this clinic was absolutely poppycock.

As for my knee? I took another week off, and eventually it did start exhibiting more classic symptoms of runner's knee. I have been doing some stretches and strengthening exercises I found online, switched routes, ice it post runs, and no longer go two days in a row. It's feeling great and is almost back to normal.

All's well that ends well, and I have definitely learned my lesson!